“She doesn’t understand my needs at all!”
“If he really loved me, he would show it!”
“We’re living like roommates now–the spark is completely gone.”
As a Clinical Psychologist, I hear these complaints all the time. Couples who don’t understand each other, couples who don’t feel loved, couples who fear they’re beyond repair. And I get it–maintaining strong relationships is one of the toughest parts of life.
But, to the couples who have small struggles, to those with seemingly huge struggles, and to all in between, I say this: You’re never past repair until you quit. As long as you’re both willing to work on your relationship, there’s always hope. And the one tool I believe offers the most hope is “The 5 Love Languages”.1
The Problem with Intimate Relationships
I recently posted the following question on my Facebook page: “In your opinion, what is one of the biggest roadblocks to relationship success?” Some of the responses I received included: ”Failure to communicate,” “Being too busy to take time for each other,” “Lack of appreciation,” “When your spouse just doesn’t care,” “Expecting the other person to make you happy,” “Lying,” “Money disagreements,” “Infidelity,” “Insecurity,” “Selfishness.”
Great answers–true answers–but sad ones. It’s sad to me that so many couples feel so disconnected, disengaged, even disgusted with one another. Sure there are some whose partners really have changed for the worse, who aren’t invested in the relationship anymore. But for most, this isn’t the case. For most of us, the problem is always the same: We never learned how to communicate love. In fact, look at the list above again. All of those issues could potentially be solved if couples were better able to give and receive love. All of them.
And “The 5 Love Languages” are key in being able to give and receive love. Let’s take a look.
The 5 Love Lanugages
The idea is that we each speak our own language of love, and until you understand and learn to speak your partner’s language, you will continue to struggle. The 5 languages include:
1) Acts of Service
2) Words of Affirmation
3) Quality Time
4) Receiving Gifts
5) Physical Touch
Most of us have 1 or 2 main ways we prefer to receive love, and this is usually how we choose to show love too. The trouble comes when I’m speaking “spending time” to a partner who only speaks “gift-giving” or vice versa. It’s only once I learn to speak my husband’s language that he will really feel the love I am trying to show.
3 Minutes to a Stronger Relationship? Watch this “Love Languages” video!
This 3-minute video explains it all. Go grab your spouse, partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend, and sit down together. 3 minutes that can change your relationship for the better? I say it’s worth your while! “The 5 Love Languages” have made a huge difference in my marriage and I’ve seen it work for countless others too. And the best part is that the “5 Love Languages” can not only improve your marriage or partnership–it can improve any kind of relationship. Trust me, you’re about to learn one of the best things you’ve ever learned!
So, what do you think? Any questions, comments, concerns? Are you gonna give the “Love Languages” a try? Have you tried it already? Please leave a comment below and let us know how it goes!
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Related 30SecondMom Tips from Dr. Hibbert:
1. Learn more, buy Dr. Chapman’s book, or take “The 5 Love Languages” quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com!