19 Dec Holiday Self-Worth: 11 Surprising Gifts of Worth
The holiday season is one of joy, and fun, and celebrating, and family togetherness! BUT, let’s face it, it’s also one of the most stressful times of year, with so many things “to do,” cold and flu season creeping in, weather changes, decorating, preparing, finals and end of semester activities, recitals, concerts, and games for young people, and “finish the end-of-year” work for older people…whew! It’s a lot, to say the least.
I, myself, have fallen prey to the stress of the season, once again, this year, and even got sick as a result. Being down, in bed, for nearly a week, while so many “things” I “need” to “do,” but couldn’t, plagued my head, finally brought the lesson home to me: “You can’t do it all. And you shouldn’t even try. Just do your best and forget the rest.”
And so I did. And as I let go of thing after thing and thought after thought, I realized just how much I, we, so many of us, struggle with self-worth this time of year.
We struggle because we can’t “do it all,” because we don’t feel good enough, or even want to do it all, because we’re grieving, or depressed, or anxious or overwhelmed and feel we shouldn’t be. Because we put way too much pressure on ourselves to not only do as much as possible, but to do it all “right,” and when we don’t, we blame ourselves: “I shouldn’t feel this way.” “I should be stronger.” “I should be able to handle all this by myself.” “I’m just not good enough.”
The Gift of Self-Worth
Please, listen, my friends, when I beg you to “Stop ‘should-ing’ all over yourself!”
This time of year, when things are naturally busier, is the perfect time to tune in to who you really are, what you can really do (and not do), and what you’re really made of. It’s the time to stop for a moment, or two, and notice how you’re treating yourself. Are you giving yourself any gifts? Any love? Any charity? Any joy? Or are you spreading it all away and leaving yourself high and dry?
The best gift I could give anyone, I’ve learned over the many years I’ve been in psychology practice, is the gift of self-worth, of not only “knowing” their true worth, but of feeling it, experiencing it, day by day by day.
I’ve come to see that the gift of worth comes in the form of other, surprising “gifts.” These “gifts” may not even seem like gifts from the outside, but they are. Oh, they are! As we open and share these gifts, we begin to not only feel our true worth and value; we begin to act from the place of worth, showing others their true worth and value, too.
Watch the beginning of my Motherhood 2.0 episode, “Holiday Self-Worth: The 11 Gifts of Worth” to hear the full story of how imperfect I am, and how this post actually came to be! Also, tune in for more details and suggestions related to the following 11 “gifts.” Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel for updates on all my new videos!
11 (Surprising) Gifts of Worth
I intended to do 12 gifts of worth for the 12 days of Christmas, but I just didn’t get around to it in time, and by the day after, I felt like “I can’t do it now, because I missed the ‘perfect’ timing of the 12 days of Christmas.” And that’s when it hit me: Actually, the imperfectness of missing the 12 days, and now being the 11th day, WAS perfect for my gifts of worth, because worth is not found in perfection. It is found in the following 11 ways…
1) The Gift of Slowing Down.
The gift of slowing down is the gift of being. It is doing less as we are being more. As we slow down, we begin to see–to see ourselves and the world around us, not as we idealize or criticize it to be, but as it really is. We begin to get a sense of who we really are. Slowing down is a gift of worth, meaning that it gives us a sense of our true worth, and it allows us to then give a sense of true worth to others. Whereas busyness leads us away from our worth, even if we think it doesn’t, even if we think being “busy” means we ARE worthy, it doesn’t. It actually keeps us so busy that we don’t have time to stop and notice who we really are, or to stop and notice and feel the worth of others. Give yourself, and your family, the gift of slowing down. Remember the love you feel and receive. Remember who you truly are. Feel your true worth as you slow down.
READ: Slow Down & Se: How to appreciate the Richness of Life
This little moment of slowing down, with my husband, turned into doing “tricks,” laughing, and making a memory. See the full post on my Instagram & FB and hear the story on my Motherhood 2.0 episode video or podcast!
See the full post on my Instagram!
2) The Gift of Showing Up.
In this busy time of year, it’s easy to get so caught up in physically “showing up”–at parties, activities, being a body in a place, doing “the thing.” Instead, what about showing up emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? Showing up means being present in your life, and what a present you can give to yourself–and others! Say, “I want to show up in my life. I want to notice all the beauty and love and light around me,” and then do it. First, slow down. Then, show up. Let yourself feel the emotions you feel. Honor them.
(I know for many of you, the holidays are a time of grief and sadness, missing those you’ve loved who are no longer with you. Believe me, I’ve been there many times, and again this year, as I’m missing my dear friend, Minae. If this is you, please honor yourself, and their memory by showing up. You don’t have to do it all, participate, or say “yes” to every activity, in fact, you may want to do even less this year. But show up to honor yourself–that you are surviving, that you’re learning to live–and love–again, and that you’re on the path to once again thriving.)
READ: Dealing with Grief: Death Anniversaries, Birthdays, & Holidays and watch the video, above, especially around 22.00 minutes.
With Minae, just a couple weeks before her passing.
3. The Gift of Realness
Let’s be real and admit that it’s hard–it’s hard to just deal with “regular” life and parenting and work, let alone adding in the holiday stress and pressure and all we feel we “need” to do. We so easily translate that into all we feel we “need” to be. Watch the video, above, for my own “confessions,” (especially around 24.00) to hear more of my own real confessions. We can’t be who we truly are if we’re being anything other than real or authentic. And when we strive to be anything other than real or authentic, we put pressure on our children to have to “be something” other than they are, too. Let go of all you feel you “need to” or “should” be, and simple be who you are.
READ: Let’s Get Real: 10 Confessions from the Psychologist, The Mom, & Me
& The Value of Authenticity: 5 Ways to Get Real
The pic I took of the gorgeous rose by my bed, for Instagram.
The pic I took of the whole scene–the REALNESS–around the rose. This is reality!
4. The Gift of Letting Go.
It seems counterintuitive, but especially when things get out of control, we must learn to let go of all we do not need. Think about all you absolutely HAVE to do, and all you THINK you SHOULD do, and find some things you can let go. Let go of sadness. Let go of grief. Let go of perfectionism. Striving to be perfect isn’t worth struggle; it leads nowhere. Let it go. Let go of the need to “be” anyone or anything other than who you are.
READ: Parenting, Loss, & Letting Go as Children (& You) Grow
5. The Gift of Humility.
Humility is really just letting ourselves do all these things above–it allows us to slow down and stop the busyness, to show up emotionally and spiritually, to be real and authentic, and to let go of all you do not need. Pride is the opposite of humility. We don’t need to go around telling or proving to everyone who we are, how “great” we are, how much we can “do.” Only when we lay aside the pride do we really open the door to who we truly are–letting God and those we love, and ourselves, show us our true worth. Only in humility, when we’re teachable, can we truly experience self-worth. In fact, I’ve learned that humility and true self-worth are actually the same thing.
WATCH/LISTEN: “Don’t Shrink, Shine!” Humility, Charity, & True Self-Worth, Motherhood TV & Podcast
READ: The Greatest Battles of Motherhood are won Within
6. The Gift of Self-Forgiveness.
When we’ve done something wrong–we’ve hurt our friend or child, we missed something important, or whatever it may be–it’s important to recognize it, and then, to forgive ourselves. Sometimes, we experience motivational guilt–the kind of guilt that tells us we’ve really done something wrong, and we want to make it right. Pray, journal, ponder, and then go to the other person to make it right. And then, let it go. Like we said above, when we hold on to things we don’t need, we prevent ourselves from feeling our true worth. And sometimes, we’re experiencing depressive guilt–the kind of guilt that isn’t because of something we actually need to change, but we hold onto for things we “should have” done. We feel guilty about being at work when we should’ve been at home. We feel guilty about not doing the thing we “should” have done. But this kind of guilt just festers and makes us miserable, and it blocks our self-worth. Let it go. Work on self-forgiveness and letting go; what an incredible gift for you, and all around you.
READ: Overcoming Mom Guilt
7) The Gift of Learning & Growth.
You know I’m a huge proponent of personal growth, and I’ve written a LOT about how to do it. The most important gift we can give ourselves when it comes to personal growth is the WILLINGNESS to grow. The MINDSET of growth that says, “No matter what comes, I will use it to grow taller and brighter and fuller.” Choose to grow, my friends. Model the gift of learning and growth for all to see.
READ: This is How We Grow: Understanding the Seasons of Personal Growth
New Year, New You: Top 6 Strategies for Change & Personal Growth
8) The Gift of Potential.
If we have a mindset of personal growth, then we must feel some inkling of our true potential. Why is that we so often struggle to see the beauty, talent, necessity, of what we have to offer the world? Believe in your potential. Spend time pondering your gifts, what you feel “called” to do, and how you might begin doing it. And JOIN my new “GROW Monthly” membership site (coming Jan 1, 2019) for tools, skills, and strategies to help you realize your potential, fulfill your life’s purpose, and keep growing through life, instead of just “going” through it.
READ: Meaning, Purpose, & Fulfilling your Life’s Calling
9) The Gift of a Voice!
You have a voice, whether you know it or not. It may come out through speaking up, singing, or teaching. It may show up through art, loving others, or advocating. It may show up through service, charity, or being a true friend. Whatever the way, your voice is YOURS, and it is essential to feeling, and living from, self-worth. How might you use your voice to uplift, inspire, heal, help, or motivate yourself and others, today?
WATCH: Me singing my song with my daughter, “The Song of Love”
10) The Gift of Loving & Being Loved.
Oh how important this is! We too often believe it’s because of the love of others that we have worth. This is so not true! We may have thousands of followers, receive a standing ovation from a crowd, have hundreds of friends, but it means nothing if we don’t love ourselves. It is actually in loving that we find our worth, not in being loved. As we love others, including our Higher Power or God, and let their love back in, we FEEL our true worth, talents, and potential. We develop a talent for loving others, and we develop a talent for letting others love us, too.
READ: The How’s of Love: 7 Skills for a Loving Relationship
Learning Self-Love: 5 Tricks for Treating Yourself More Kindly
The Power of Pure Love: You are Known, You are Needed, You are Loved
Loving and missing my son, Colton, this year, as he serves a 2-year mission in Fiji.
11) The Gift of Grace.
This year has been my “year of grace.” That’s my theme for 2018, and even more than learning about grace, I have learned grace. I have learned that there is so much more mercy and forgiveness and love that we realize, that we have access to more power and inspiration and wisdom that we know. All we have to do is tap into it. We have to tap into the gift of grace, by doing all the things listed above. As we slow down and see our worth, we can show up courageously for whatever life brings. We will be real, authentic, and let go of perfectionism or anything we no longer need, humbling ourselves, forgiving ourselves, and letting ourselves use all these things to learn and grow. We will begin to see and feel our true, full potential, to use our voice in our unique way, and to love and be loved to the fullest. This is grace in action, and it is how we feel our worth. It’s how we know, deep down, that we are beautiful, incredible, sent for a purpose, ready to start living that purpose with meaning and love, and being a light in our own way. This is self-worth. This is the result of the 11 gifts of worth, and as we receive this greatest of gifts, we give others permission to do the same.
READ: Living a Life of Purpose & Meaning: The Key to True Happiness
Give the Gifts of Worth, and the Gift of Self-Worth!
Give the gifts of worth, my friends–to your children, spouse, partner, family, friends, and especially to yourself. The gift of self-worth will be the result, and it’s a gift that keeps on giving, all year long.
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