Self-Esteem After a Breakup, Divorce, or Relationship Loss: “You’re not alone”

Self-Esteem After a Breakup, Divorce, or Relationship Loss: “You’re not alone”

Self-Esteem After a Breakup, Divorce, or Relationship Loss: "You're Not Alone." A preview of chapter 1 of Dr. Christina Hibbert's new book, Who Am I Without You? www.DrchristinaHibbert.com This post is adapted from my new book, Who Am I Without You? with New Harbinger Publications, coming March 1, 2015 (and available for pre-order now)!

In fact, this post is a preview of chapter one.

If you’re going through a breakup, divorce, or relationship loss, then this post [and the book] are for you. If you have a loved one going through it, then this is the perfect gift.

 
 

“I think this is what we all want to hear: that we are not alone in hitting the bottom, and that it is possible to come out of that place courageous, beautiful, and strong.”
~Anna White

 

Relationship loss—we’ve all experienced it, or will at some point. I’m no exception. I may not have experienced your exact heartache or circumstances, but trust me: I understand loss. I’m here to help you through.

 
 

You’re not alone.

Knowing you’re not alone is one of the most important things when a relationship ends, because it can feel very alone. It can feel like, “No one gets how I feel right now.” You’re right: No one does understand exactly how you feel. We each have our unique experience of loss after a breakup. However, it’s also true you may be feeling many of the same things women have been feeling for years, and that can actually be freeing.

 
 
If you feel broken from your breakup or loss, “You’re not alone.”

Experiencing a breakup is a universal loss. Sad but true, breakups and divorce are one of the most common human experiences. Just look at the statistics:

• 40-50% of marriages end in divorce in the United States (APA website, 2013).

• For second marriages, the divorce rate is 60-65%, and third marriages, 72-74% (Divorce Statistics website, 2013).

• Though there aren’t any solid statistics on breakups, some estimate one-third of women have experienced a significant breakup in the past ten years.

 

Whether you’re young or old, divorcing or splitting from your boyfriend; whether it ended civilly or with a text that said, “Sorry, babe. It’s over,” it still hurts. Considering these statistics, there are a lot of hurting women out there.

You’re not alone.

 
 

If your self-esteem has taken a hit after your breakup, “You’re not alone.”

How is your self-esteem right now? If you’re fresh from a breakup, I would guess it’s at an all-time low. Take this brief assessment and see for yourself.

Self-Esteem Assessment

Directions: Place a check mark beside all sentences that apply to you right now.

1) I feel confident most of the time._____
2) I often think negatively about myself._____
3) I feel worthy of love._____
4) I am fearful of or sensitive to rejection._____
5) I accept my flaws and work on them._____
6) I give others’ opinions of me more weight than my own._____
7) I take good care of myself and tend to my needs._____
8) I often compare myself, my life, or my relationships to others._____
9) I feel attractive._____
10) I feel like other people don’t accept me._____
11) I feel capable of achieving success in my life._____
12) I often feel fearful or anxious, especially around others._____
13) I often think positively about myself._____
14) I feel inadequate or inferior to others._____
15) I embrace my strengths and my weaknesses._____
16) I am concerned, and often critical, about my body and looks._____
17) I feel comfortable in social situations._____
18) I have difficulty trusting others._____
19) I understand who I really am, and I like me._____
20) I am a perfectionist._____

Scoring:
Give yourself one point for every odd number you checked, and one point for every even number you did not check. Add up your score. Then, compare, below.

Results:
20-16: High Self-Esteem
Your self-esteem seems strong, especially considering all you’ve been going through. This doesn’t mean you don’t have a thing or two to learn about self-worth and self-esteem, but it does mean you’re starting off in pretty great shape.

15-11: High Average Self-Esteem
You have your moments when you feel “less than,” but overall, your self-esteem is okay. There’s room for improvement, but you’ve got a foundation on which to build.

10-6: Low Average Self-Esteem
You struggle with self-esteem, or at least, you’re struggling now. Don’t worry, though. That’s what this book is for: to show you how to improve.

5-0: Low Self-Esteem
Your self-esteem has definitely taken a hit—either from your breakup, or from earlier in life. You’re not the only one who struggles, however, and you’re certainly not beyond hope. Together, we will help you discover the truth about who you are and rebuild your sense of self-worth.

 
 
If you feel like no one’s on your side, you’re wrong. (Did I mention, “You’re Not Alone?”)

I’m here. Or rather, this post (and my new book) is here—with my words, encouragement, comfort, motivation, direction, and yes, love. You can visit this post (or the book) any time and know that as I write these words for you, I do so out of respect and admiration for your willingness to work through your heartache. I do so out of a desire for you to know you’re not alone. One day, you’ll be flourishing in life and love again.

 
 
Tool: Examine your true feelings.

1) When I say, “You’re Not Alone,” how do you really feel? Do you believe me? Do you have doubts? Write about this in your journal or notebook.

2) How do you feel about your self-esteem assessment score? In what ways might your self-esteem be impacted by your breakup? Did you struggle with self-esteem previously? Can you relate to any of the things I wrote about above, like feeling “less than” or “unlovable”? Why or why not? Write it down.

(Excerpt from Who Am I Without You, by Dr. Christina Hibbert, with New Harbinger Publications.)

 
 

"Who Am I Without You?" 52 Ways to Rebuild Self-Esteem After a Breakup; www.DrChristinaHibbert.com #book #selfesteem #breakup #divorce

Pre-order Who Am I Without You at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, New Harbinger, or your local bookseller!

Coming March 1, 2015!

 
 

Dr. Christina Hibbert www.DrChristinaHibbert.com

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#1 Amazon Bestseller, This Is How We Grow, by Dr. Christina Hibbert, Available now on Amazon.com! www.ThisIsHowWeGrow.com
Be sure to check out Dr. Hibbert’s Amazon Bestseller, This is How We Grow
available now at Amazon or Barnes & Noble!

 

 

Self-Esteem After a Breakup, Divorce, or Relationship Loss: "You're Not Alone." A preview of chapter 1 of Dr. Christina Hibbert's new book, Who Am I Without You? www.DrchristinaHibbert.com

 

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Join my Free, Online “This Is How We Grow” Personal Growth Group!

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Learning Self-Love: 5 Tricks for Treating Yourself More Kindly

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  • Mary says:

    At the end stages of divorcing a very abusive man after 25 years. You hear stories about domestic abuse agencies or similar help that is supposedly available. You read stories of happy endings & people jumping through hoops to help. Well none of it is true, just like 25 years of lies that have destroyed me. I’m left with nothing & no one willing to help, including family. Friends disappear. The phone doesn’t ring anymore. I’m tired of reaching out for help. I’m done. I don’t have young children so I’ve been turned away by every agency & shelter in the area. No, I don’t believe you when you say “you are not alone”. It’s not true. I’ve always been there for everyone in my life, but they have all disappeared. I was conned by a con man & I guess my punishment is being alone. It’s the worst feeling & I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

    • I am so sorry for all you’ve already been through, Mary, and for all you’re going through now. I know you’re not the only one who feels completely alone in her struggles with divorce and loss, and you are very right that so many of the supposed resources for those going through it are not as easy to access or as available as they say they are. When I was trying to put together a resource section in my book, I was shocked by how few good resources really exist. So, I created a new one. I started a “Who Am I Without You” Breakup/Divorce Support Group on Facebook. We only have a few members so far, but it is a safe place where those struggling can connect and offer support, resources, and help to each other. You can look it up on Facebook and ask to be added. Or, there’s an online support network through ShareCare, Dr. Oz’s website. It has a lot of members, but I’ve never participated, so I can’t say what it is like. Even though you don’t believe me, I hold true to what I said in this article–you really are not alone, even though it feels that way. It may take some work to find support, but it’s out there somewhere. Again, I’m so sorry you’re feeling “done,” and I hope when you feel a little stronger again you will reach out once more.

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